When a loved one walks away
in a moment you would have loved that they stayed…and understood
If you have ever been a victim of abuse, what you receive in it’s aftermath may be unexpected. The road is not smooth. Escaping the abuse is just step one. You may have had shocking experiences of how people place themselves in the context on your abuse. It may confuse you to find whom you trusted unapologetically standing by the abuser.
This may to you, the victim, feel more painful than the abuse itself! There may be various reasons given, each one stranger than the previous. Yet, it remains —and don’t fool yourself here— a clear stand. It is a green light to say it is fine, they see no problem in the abuser’s harm to you. The closer the person was to you, the more intense this betrayal will feel.
If you witness this moment and feel like crumbling in sadness and confusion, remember that here too, as in the other stations of life, there is something Allah wants for you to learn. To know and to realise. And then to carry on. It is not the end but instead, it is just a shift to the next stage. It is a breakthrough.
It may come from a family member; whom you knew and looked up to all your life, or a longtime friend or a trusted acquaintance you thought you can depend on when needed. Regardless, resist the temptation to undermine the abuse you so consciously felt.
You may want to do this in disbelief of how your “loved one” is skeptical about what you say. All the while overlooking the abuser’s actions. All the while you frantically jump to defend yourself in front of them because you trusted them, held them in high regard and still love them.
Resist doing so, let rock be rock if that is all it insists on being. As for yourself, it’s time to sit down in quiet and have a think about it. The universe is not out of control .
In your book, it was natural to stand by whom you love if they are being oppressed or wronged. To not have the same in return is a very, very difficult reality to accept. But…
…people sympathise with what they have a connection to. With what they feel a sense of familiarity towards. If they don’t relate, they will not do so—instead, they will flee from it. People click with what they familiarise.
Here, it does not matter how dearly you held them in your heart. This is not about you, it is about who they are. Who they have always been but you somehow missed spotting this.
Still, it is a difficult situation to navigate. You may even find yourself speechless for sometime not knowing what to say or feel because of shock. This is how betrayal can make you feel. It runs very deep and makes you feel weak and powerless.
Post-abuse is a moment you need support. To receive the opposite from whom you love and looked to can leave you rethinking everything. These are moments that need reflection and redirection. Not self-blame or questioning your pain. See the opportunity in it like a believer will. Thank Allah for everything. You may have naively thought of them at a higher standard of integrity out of innocence and respect. But now it’s time to let go and move on. Don’t act blind or naive— you will have only yourself to blame if you did.
Maybe this is what you needed— but did not know— to finally be able to spread your wings.
Fulfil your duties, show kindness and be dutiful as much as you need to by Allah’s Laws. Thereafter, keep your heart away. Soon, as unlikely as it may seem now, you will feel a strange sense of gratefulness. For having understood the underlying messages and for having let go at the right time. It is a special kind of freedom and it will make you happy it turned out exactly how it did. New, better things always open out once you release yourself from delusions. The faster you adapt, the better. You will be repeating “Alhamdulillah” but it will never feel enough.
دار محمد Daar Muhammed 
Leave a comment