دار محمد Daar Muhammed

“You need to bl***y grow up”

“You have no idea what you are doing”

“You have great imagination, don’t you”

“We never thought of you like that, what makes you say that??”

It is only quite later that you realise why it was so important for the abuser to demean you whilst they do what they do. Even if met with no resistance from your side, they will make sure words like these are repeated almost strategically. What is strangest is that they are said by the abuser when they are caught doing what is questionable or when you refuse to join in their acts. It is a clear projection of what they are onto you. Yet the force with which they speak can make even a composed and confident person feel confused.

During the abuse you may have wondered why after having fully accepted yes, I am a stupid person who knows nothing, the demeaning keeps continuing. You have accepted that you are worthless, now what’s next? What else are they asking for?

Well, the abuser does this to “keep you in your place”. To ascertain this, watch how they react when you mention anything nice anyone else said about you. Watch their eyes when something you try out outside of their grasp works out. Keep an eye for the smirks. Smirks are quick so we often do not notice or do not really think about them. Yet, they say so much.

By instilling in you that the problem is because you are immature, weak and need to grow up,
it gives them a new level of power and control over you. For them, everything is about power and control. You in that are an object more than a human being.
Blood ties, sacred oaths, mercy and humanity mean nothing to them.

When the victim succumbs to these “beliefs”, it is easier for the abuser to get him or her to do as they wish. That is their end goal. To fly above the laws. Above any accountability.

If you have seen what I am describing here, may Allah bring you up in front on the Day and appreciate all that He saw. And which deed of yours, coming from the depths of your sincere heart, did He ever not see?

#DayofRecompense #eternaljustice #hopeandstrength #islamicpsychology #emotionalabuse #gaslighting #dysfunctionalfamilies