دار محمد Daar Muhammed

When writing such posts, I ask myself so many times, am I going to allow it out this unfiltered? I have seen how shocked people can be when they hear me. But then I remember whoever may be living in these situations right now, as I write. How can I decorate my words to be less intense and ‘prettier‘ when their day-to-day experiences come to them like bolts of thunder, leaving them in so much confusion and shock? That was me once, and the worst thing then would have been for someone to make the truth of the situation ‘prettier‘.

If you are working yourself out of a narcissistic relationship, remember, your freedom will not, in most cases, be easy to come. No, not even an official divorce certificate after a long battle will end things for good. It is important to bear in mind that it takes much more. Narcissists live for drama and revenge. Once you are dumped with one of them, you become nothing but an object in their minds. A toy that is for nothing but to take the punches of their adult tantrums. How dare an object speak up? How dare an object even have feelings? That is why when you do stand up to their strange behaviour, they lose their minds; a fit of rage, threatening gestures, and filthy language.

Do not tire yourself trying to explain to others unless necessary because the kind of devil you are fighting is unique. The sooner you understand that, the better it is for you. Your fight is uphill, so take enough strength from patience and prayer. Listen to what others who have gone through the same have got to say. This will help keep you grounded that your experiences are indeed real. When most of the ‘advices’ are that you are imagining things or that you need to grow up, grounding is of utmost importance. There are slight differences narcissist to narcissist, but for the most part, they follow the same sort of ‘playbook’.

How dare an object speak up? How dare an object even have feelings? That is why when you do stand up to their strange behaviour, they lose their minds.

You will be dragged into places and situations you never imagined you will be in; police stations, lawyer offices, courtrooms, in hiding, running away for safety with your heart feeling like it is going to stop or locking yourself up in random toilets until the tantrum is over. But as long as you keep fighting for your freedom by all halal means you have available, don’t let anything bring you down. Every effort normal people put into being nice and polite, narcissists put into their savagery. So don’t be surprised but be ready instead. And remember, like anything in this world, it is temporary. To quote the poet Sahabi Labid ibn Rabi’ah (ral),

ألا كل شيء ما خلا الله باطل
Nay, everything besides Allah is baatil (temporary, transient)

If others use this beautiful poem that Rasoolullah (sal) loved to remind themselves about the temporary nature of worldly delights, you use it to remind yourself of the temporary nature of the narcissist’s claws in your life. It is just a matter of time.

It is not difficult for Allah to cause the earth to swallow them up with their enablers or to throw them into the same pain, no more, no less, than what they afflict on others. Nothing is difficult for Him. However, the thing is, when you are at a distressed point, you tend to want things to end fast. Because you feel weak and scared, and it hurts a lot. But everything has its fixed term, Allah has everything in control, and He, unlike you or me, is not weak to feel in any hurry, and His Justice never fails.

وَمَا لَنَا أَلَّا نَتَوَكَّلَ عَلَى اللَّهِ وَقَدْ هَدَانَا سُبُلَنَا ۚ وَلَنَصْبِرَنَّ عَلَىٰ مَا آذَيْتُمُونَا ۚ وَعَلَى اللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُتَوَكِّلُونَ

“And why should we not put our trust in Allâh while He indeed has guided us our ways? And we shall certainly bear with patience all the hurt you may cause us, and in Allâh (Alone) let those who trust, put their trust.”

Ibrahim:12