دار محمد Daar Muhammed

A part of growing through the challenges of life is acknowledging their presence and their reality. This has always been the case through the lives of the Prophets (on them all be peace). In order to meet these challenges, they first need to be realised in their entirety and felt as they are. Thereafter, they need to be viewed from all sides and thought over. Only then can we proceed to dealing with them appropriately and thinking of solutions for them in their true scope.

As much as we may think this is something basic, for many children, sadly, this is not an opportunity they have. Masking is a norm in our culture— masking your discomforts with external situations, living in delusion, and not coming to terms with the truths and realities of life. Truths are often kept secret, and the hush-hush of the elders can drive a child crazy. Sometimes, there is more concern shown by adults to silence a child, fearing “what people will say” instead of pausing for a bit to allow the child to voice out what he really feels. Strangely, one moment, children are too “young” to be shared anything with, and next moment, they are expected to transform into grown adults in an instant.

وَاللَّهُ لَا يَسْتَحْيِي مِنَ الْحَقِّ ۚ

"but Allah is not shy of (telling you) the truth."

Al-Ahzab: 53

Despite these irrational responses to distressful situations, the children know no better how to respond as they take it from the adults around them. They have been told to feel nothing and adopt numbness in many instances, so in turn, grow up… feeling nothing. This can happen with zero acknowledgement of how big the process of growing up virtuously and the process of living a prayerful life despite all strong worldly influences are, in general, for a young heart. This makes way for shallow thinking, over-compliance, and internal conflicts as they grow into adulthood. It does not, in any way, strengthen the Muslim child. Instead, it cripples their confidence and sense of belonging. If children were to;

• grow through their challenges
• face the world’s rapid changes with confidence
• have a stable grip on what is reasonable and what is not,
  they will need a strong springboard to launch from.

Masking is a norm in our culture— masking your discomforts with external situations, living in delusion, and not coming to terms with the truths and realities of life.

When things get confusing, I look to Nabi’s life for pointers اللّهم صَلِّ عليه and I find him to be the most emotionally aware of all.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم thought, felt, enquired, analysed, and understood throughout his life. When Abu Lahab insulted him for teaching the Oneness of Allah to his people, he felt hurt and sad. When his wife Khadijah died, he felt crushed. When a member of the public said his divisions of the booty were not proper, he turned red, angry. He felt his emotions and, afterwards, honed them to serve him, not any other way. He did not undermine his feelings, and he certainly stood by them. Forgiving who hurt him or was unreasonable towards him came later, once understanding the truth of the situation was complete.

وَلَقَدْ نَعْلَمُ أَنَّكَ يَضِيقُ صَدْرُكَ بِمَا يَقُولُونَ ▪︎ فَسَبِّحْ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّكَ وَكُن مِّنَ السَّاجِدِينَ ▪︎ وَاعْبُدْ رَبَّكَ حَتَّىٰ يَأْتِيَكَ الْيَقِينُ

Indeed, We know that your breast is straitened at what they say. So glorify the praises of your Lord and be of those who prostrate themselves (to Him). And worship your Lord until there comes unto you the certainty (i.e., death).

Upholding the truth is a heavy job to do, and following it is increasingly becoming difficult in our times. In the midst of this, if children are going to be raised out of touch with their emotions, it is essentially depriving them of a wholesome, enlightened life for Allah in which they can research, reason, grasp and reach their full potential for His Sake. What a loss that would be.

If children are going to be raised out of touch with their emotions, it is essentially depriving them of a wholesome, enlightened life for Allah.

To validate a child’s correct assumptions, make space for his concerns, and provide ways and solutions to uphold Allah’s Laws help his grounding more than we think. How, one may ask. In the face of life’s challenges, big and small, let’s see how this works;

Next, in sha Allah: Adversarial Growth, Part 3/3: The Impact of Belonging; Knowing that “I am Allah’s; I belong to Him”