I remember in my late teens, there was a message conveyed, in the most subtle yet sometimes very clear ways, that these are the years. All up to just early twenties. These are the years, and your worth is solely tied to a handful of specific things. And of course we believed this–I believed it. These were the years you are very worthy, and these are the main years, they said. It feels so bad to repeat what was conveyed in different ways. So, according to this ‘rule’, you get married, and your early twenties are your prime. Not much mention of what comes after. Or any self-preservation tips. Nor what happens if things don’t work out as the photocopy process everyone was to follow.
I remember this now and then. I wonder what was said. And who said it. And what their own lives must have been like to pass this message on to the next generation. And it makes me sad. It also reminds me of how fortunate I am. To have had the chance to strip everything right down and build it up afresh. To have seen, witnessed, and realised a lot before it was too late. To live my truth and to take delight in everything true. And with each passing year, to be able to savour life a little more, and to live each moment even more purposefully than the last. To relish Allah’s gifts and to make the most out of each day. To value my life, my time and the chance I have been blessed with. They made it seem like after your early twenties, life is pretty much done. And here I am only done with nonsense, and just getting started with khair each day, with clarity and agency. To find the strength to say no, to be comfortable taking up space, to make decisions for myself, for the good of myself. To see the fruits of tawakkul and to dwell in His Shade.
I sometimes think, how could they have been so wrong? Was it on purpose? To be honest, I don’t know. But it is very sad. Alhamdulillah for Islam which fixes our purpose solid and strong.
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