Dear Light They Needed Dimmed,
As you grow older, you see a lot. And you also see the brilliant ideas you had and did manage to let a sentence out of, only to be dashed out just as fast. In a grave need for security, to tuck it inside your heart, never to be spoken of again. The risk was too much, safety was needed, and the ridicule of those ideas and how “foolish,” “far-fetched,” and “out of touch” they were was too much to bear.
There was this enormous insecurity of those around, those older, those whom you were supposed to look up to, that even a sliver of your shine alarmed them. They thought about what it could become. What it could lead to. And where do they compare in all of it. It was more convenient to silence it. And the most effective way was mockery. Mockery reached the ego directly, and injured it deeply. Through mockery, things could be ended much faster. A kind of twisted self-preservation, opposite of the protection they claim.
One of the most significant ways of living those ideas you had, is to now slowly take them out of your cache of your heart. Ideas that looked done with, but if reminded, return to memory in a moment. Rather, they flood back, vivid and delighting again. So they were there all this while? Absolute yes.
These ideas, if you sit down and reflect, had a core. Had a few unifying factors and of single essence. So it does not matter if you don’t do the idea itself to a T, however it is an absolute must that you consider all that you loved to do and you felt was brilliant and you took delight in — that came completely natural to you, and implement their core. In short, you need to extract the core and apply it step by step. Through this, comes relief. Comes pathways. Comes ways out.
You will soon learn that perhaps their obstruction of your dreams, even though it seemed like a dead end each time and a painful never-ending prison at the time, it did work you did not see. You may sometimes feel like so many years wasted to silent, emotional and psychological abuse but the endurance taught you what you need to know. What you absolutely need to know, if you are walking this journey. It refined those very dreams, removed any impurities, clarified the why behind your love for those things, and grounded you the knowledge and experience needed to bear the path to those dreams. The pain burned away the frivolous aspects of the dream and left the authentic and solid parts of it. In short, it prepared you.
So keep going and do not feel discouraged. Baby steps of healing, strength and iman. That is all that is needed to complete this journey.
Leave a Reply